Auntie Charo's Soapbox

I don't know how far back the posts are archived but I wrote about the 'huffing' not so very long ago. I had to laugh at myself because I wasn't aware of these mind altering chemicals that came from white-out, nail polish and stuff that beings use on a daily basis. I can't remember the last time I used butane. I don't think I even know where to buy it. I'm sure hubby does, but then he'd be the one to buy that sort of thing. Nail polish and white out, glue and stuff I know the source, although I'm not one to snort the stuff since I do a lot of gardening and polish just isn't in the cards for these nails and since the computers, nor is white out! But the stuff at my house isn't important. There aren't any children here anymore. The two babies are in the states and friends rarely bring little ones to visit so there's no way that they could find anything to sniff or huff that would give them a 'high' or death.
When the children were growing up, hubby and I used to worry about them visiting their friends' home. We worried that their friends' parents owned a gun and that they would find it and get shot by accident. I worried about it from the time they were in kindergarten until the two were in high-school. These days, one has to worry about such things as butane and things in aerosol cans or ice-making supplies. You have to worry about the state of that friend's mind if he comes from a dysfunctional family, if he'd take the keys to the family car and go joy-riding and crash into something, killing himself and your child. Life is so much more fragile these days than it was when my generation was raising children. I'd like to think that there were more values and that our rules were more strict and that when we said 'no', it meant just that.
I don't know if I could have survived the death of my child because he 'huffed' butane. I would feel the guilt for the rest of my entire life. I'm sure my friend and counselors would say that it wasn't my fault and that it wasn't my 'choice' to 'huff' and that my child didn't know better....but I have to think that if things were 'right' at home, if I was there for my child, if I had an open and good dialog with my child/ren, that we would have/could have discussed mechanisms to solve life's problems that happen when hormones go crazy during teen times.
Did this boy have parents that gave his the time to listen to his problems? Were they there to support him? Or did they just treat him like the boy that was good for taking out the garbage, feeding the animals, cleaning his room, doing his homework and other household chores. Was he ever seated at the dinner table with the family where his day was shared? Days when he could talk about his friends and the fun/or not so fun things happened, or where he could share the things that worried or bothered him? These are very important things in a boy/or girl. It's a time when they need a sounding board, when they can be told how proud the parent is for the job they are doing, even if it's just for being a loving child. There is always something positive that you can find to praise to raise your child's esteem and if you did this several times a week, he/she would never need to escape into breathing butane or anyother mind-altering chemical.
I know that no one can go to the family of that 14-yr-old....but one can wonder....when the last time the parents of that child put their arms around that boy and gave him a big and strong hug and praised him and told him that they loved him. I wonder as I write this what their last words were to this boy that lived on the edge of the world and jumped off as he inhaled those poisonous vapors.
As I write this, GPSS fights about Direct Instruction and other curriculum data...somewhere in this fight, I hope they find the time to include from the youngest students up...the lessons that life is very fragile and that sniffing these things can cause your death and that causing your death is against God's law. But they probably won't because no one seems to want to talk about God these days.
My heart cries for the parents of the fourteen year old. I can't imagine the pain they must be going through. I hope his death is not in vain and that we use his death as a lesson and that parents take better care of their children...